Balls on Women

I am tired of sitting on my back deck, praying for things that do not come. The cigar just gets me dizzy now and numbs my tongue. The songs are all played out and I don’t feel much like dancing anyway. There are things that I need to do to bring this to an end… and as usual, they fall to me. Household budgets, valuations of assets, final house repairs… I just don’t want to do it anymore. It was different when being the daddy brought me pleasure. This…. this is like planning my own funeral because I would not get buried if I didn’t do it myself. The pisser of it is that I get yelled and scolded for my shortcomings here. The balls on these women.

I get up to make coffee this morning and the ‘not soon enough to be ex-‘ wife is cleaning the sink area. Usually there is a mountain of dishes and old food while she lies drunk reading in bed. I don’t know what caused this sudden spurt of normality, but as I set the coffee pot, she tosses a cook book in the garbage in front of me. It was one of my mother’s. I take it out and wipe it off. “Please don’t throw out things that were my parents.” She starts to yell at me. “You are accusing me of being mean!” wow.

I am just so tired. I would pack a bag today, but then she would settle in and nothing would ever end. I will be a slave forever, and I cannot support two houses with my son in college and the other two still unemployed and living home. GOD I need a break. How about a break GOD?

HE does not answer